Today was such an eventful day. Just this morning, around 2-3am, I discovered my shameful attitudes, and decide to change, then at night, during bible study, Justin's message was so accurate and hit right home.
Today's Bible study was on Psalms 119:33-40
It is such a suitable passage, because it tells us so much about how David had to ask for God's help in understanding His word, how David had to ask God to make him walk in His command, and give him the eagerness for God's laws. He knows he cannot do it on his own, and he needs God's help to walk in the righteous path.
It encourages me so that even a faithful man like David needed constant help from God to keep himself in the right path, what more I?
There is so much I wish I could change, there are so many shortcoming that I wish weren't a part of me, but here they are, given to me as a blessing, that I may know of God's grace and power when He ultimately help me overcome all of these. Lord, reassure me of Your promise, made to those who fear You. Help me abandon my shameful ways, for Your regulations are good. I long to obey Your commandments! Renew my life with Your goodness.
I'm still struggling with my selfish desires, the things that I hold so dear to my heart. I know that I have to let it go, and count it as nothing compared to the love for God. It is also a blessing, that I should have something I cherish so dearly, that I find so hard to give up and let go for obedience to Christ. For what worth is a sacrifice if it be so easily given up. I can easily let go all to God but for the one thing that I hold dear as my OWN, at least there is still one thing that is MINE, and MINE alone. There is one thing I cherish more than and above all else, but God has to take that place, and it is a privilege that I should have something of such value to give up as my sacrifice for Him.
I'm not at all happy about it, in fact I am rebelling. I am running away from letting go. I am trying to dodge my responsibility of giving God TOTAL control of my life. I am stubbornly holding on to just that one thing, one thing that I can call MY OWN. All else that are less important, I can surrender with no complains. But He says that's not enough. He want's my all. Everything that is mine is His. I'm still struggling and praying that He helps me learn the joy of obeying His commands.
Restore unto me, the joy of Thy salvation, and reneweth Thy spirit within me...