Again, I was brought to the end of the road, at the cliff, almost succumbing to temptation. No, the temptation I'm talking about is not a big one, it's not even obvious, it is just a mental struggle, just me not wanting to have thoughts unrighteous.
For it is said that God judge not by what we do, but by what is in the heart, and no matter how we try, no one can live up to His law. For even the thought of covetousness is as bad as stealing.
No, my problem is not that I covet, not at the moment to be more specific. But I have entertain a small imagination of mine, while having a long discussion on sensitive topics. I decided to give myself some "slack", just a short thought, and it's not what people would consider wrong in anyway, in fact, it is actually quite academic in nature, an open discussion to find a conclusion, to have a more accurate idea of what people think, to honestly study the matter about how the human behaviour is motivated, and how people react.
Still, here's the result of my thinking (and long discussions with Thùy, drawing experience from an average girl who's not a Christian, hopefully a good sample of an average person in the Singaporean Society), and much to my amusement, I am actually putting into words something which I already know, but never thought that it can stand as an argument.
Time spent together when one is in a relationship, can actually be very fruitless, a total waste of time. As I started talking about it with others, I realise that when one is "in love" one tends to try to spend as much time together as possible, and hopefully get pleasure out of that time, but more often than not, it ends up with both parties not satisfied and wanting more, it's like there's a constant mentality that the will be satisfied from the time spent together (hence the motivation of that behaviour), but than after it, they realise that it's not as much as they expected it to be, and then decide that they want even more, which could lead to many consequences, but the most common being continuing to be together at the expense of so many other things that could have been done, and then realising at the end of the year that a whole year has passed, and so many other things in life which could have been achieved (which they want to achieve) was not achieved, all because of this idle time wasting. And to say that they have got to know each other better, I don't think that really happens either, as both will be putting on their best for the other, and that will lead to distorted conclusions...
It sometimes is so hard to give a yes or no answer about dating. Is it right? Does it help in any way? Is it really as fulfilling as they make it to be? Is it better to skip that and go straight to engagement? Such studies are quite interesting, if one practice distantiation, and objectively collect data and come to a conclusion by logical deduction instead of using one's own emotions.
A more interesting question will be is there a way to make dating healthy, more beneficial, and actually help build a stronger family? Is there a way to make the process honour God and work towards the furtherance of His kingdom? Is it possible to determine whether he/she is the right person for you through the dating process?
I have very different values and ideals from Thùy about romance. I somehow put more emphasis on the emotional, and of course the spiritual part. Still it is surprising to find out that we are still so much the same, needing that love to fill that void built into all of us. I know only God can fill that void, but I am still seeking for that to happen. Sometimes, being a Christian is so much more faith than feelings, but somehow, I seem to be so much more controlled by feelings than faith. The facts are there, but it is so hard to accept, especially when God seems silent.
I do not know why am I blogging about all these... there are so many things I want to express, want to say out. It's a test of my patience to keep to myself that which is not for the ears of the public....